Monday, March 25, 2019

The Secret Posts - Part One




“Don’t tell anyone, but…”

I am currently the keeper of roughly one dozen different versions of the end of the above sentence.
Maybe I have one of those trusting faces. Or possibly I put people at ease and make them feel comfortable spilling their secrets to me. I’d like to think it’s because I am known as trustworthy person and loyal friend deserving of the privilege of secret keeper.

Some of the secrets have been and are currently minor, personal confidences while there are always a few major life-altering whoppers. Both types give me anxiety, but I take the secret-keeping very serious.

There was a time last year I held so many secrets from different people I thought I would burst. I began to imagine a spreadsheet in my head and even contemplated writing them all down to keep them straight. Don’t worry, I didn’t. The urge to write is tough for me, but I know better than that in this situation and resorted to simply keeping my mouth shut. Also tough. Secret keeper is not a position I enjoy, yet can’t seem to shake.

The relief I felt when hearing the secrets were finally ‘out’ or public knowledge was physical for me. I could feel my teeth unclench at every mention of the information I held inside. You’d think I’d learn not to accept any more confidentialities, but just two days ago I heard those words again from another friend, “Can I tell you something?” I almost said no, but of course I put my hand on her arm and said, “Sure, anything. You can trust me.” And I meant it, but as soon as she spilled her confession, I immediately regretted allowing her to confide in me. I don’t like knowing this particular secret. Thankfully, this one has an expiration date and soon it will be public knowledge. Until then, well I’ll be avoiding a certain group and suddenly too busy for coffee on Thursday mornings through the end of April.

As with this big secret, most expire on their own. Thankfully the information becomes public or moot. But now it’s got me wondering – as a writer- what’s the shelf life of a secret? At what point is it acceptable to assimilate into a story? Obviously – “All names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to acutal events, local, or persons living or dead, is entirely coincidental.”

Maybe my friends should think twice before prefacing me with, “Don’t tell anyone, but…”

You’ve been warned.

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