Monday, October 5, 2020

For Beta or for Worse


Like so many others recently, I found a few new distractions over these last strange months. Aside from the TV shows I will not admit to becoming addicted, or the amount of online shopping I engaged in, I began beta reading.

As a writer, beta reading isn’t entirely new to me. But, beta reading in the true sense – reading and reviewing for a complete stranger was uncharted waters. Friends have read my early manuscripts and vice versa, but this format is quite different – and I like it.

As an avid reader, I agonize over my next read and always have. During Quarantine, I plowed through books, but still chose very discerningly. Fear of disappointment looms with every selection, even when recommended by a friend.

Enter beta reading. Through the Upwork platform I was selected to blindly read and review manuscripts. Each average 200 pages and can be any genre, heat level, and in any stage of development. In the past six months I’ve read all points on each spectrum. Some so bad I found it difficult to give feedback and some so well done I wondered if I was slipped a bestseller to check my credibility.

The process is mutually anonymous, so I feel free to give honest, solid criticism and praise. I benefit as well from practicing my craft and have to laugh when I point out weaknesses such as, ‘telling instead of showing’ and later peruse my own work-in-progress for the same.

The best part of beta reading is the reading. I don’t experience any anticipatory anxiety. No selection sorrow. Whenever I email I’m ready for another manuscript, I sit back, wait for a reply, and wonder what I’ll be reading for the next few days. 

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Stay in Your Lane

I love the quotes addressing parents to allow their children live their own lives. Recently, I’ve needed the gentle reminder. With one daughter at my alma mater and the second of three applying currently, I’ve made more than a few references to, “when I was there…” followed by the ever-popular, “when I was your age…” and “we used to…”

So, when I come across beautiful adages on social media, I appreciate their message and try to heed the advice.

You will teach them to fly, but they will not take your flight.
You will teach them to dream, but they will not dream your dream.
You will teach them to live, but they will not live your life.

Beautiful, right? I agree. But not easy to put into practice. Why? Because how can I resist comparing my college years in the early 90s when they are literally wearing every article of clothing I did back then?

I mean, really, girls. I’m talking to you now. The mom-jean? We knew they weren’t cool 30 years ago and I take comfort in knowing you’ll cringe too later and probably worse than me and my friends since there are only about eight photos from my college years, not 64 KB.

Yes, I will try not to chime in and tell you how great that bar used to be, or how we all used to love the hockey games, but maybe don’t Facetime me wearing that white turtleneck tucked into high-waisted button-fly black jeans?

However, should any of you don a braided, brown leather belt with a brass buckle looped around itself with the ‘tail’ hanging over – all bets are off. I will then wax prophetic about White Claw being an imposter, just Zima 2.0 for the sugar-free generation.

Monday, April 1, 2019

The Secret Posts - Part Two

Secrets can be weighty. Whether you’re holding your own or someone else’s, you can physically feel its presence. Now, sometimes the weight comes from a secret about something negative – a problem at work or school or with a friend or significant other or a health concern. These are the secrets that weight on our shoulders like those cartoon anvils or gives that ‘pit in the stomach’ feeling. But sometimes the secret’s weight is the opposite. Good secrets can give you a lift and put a spring in your step. Waiting until the magic week 12 (or whatever the doctor advised) to announce a pregnancy, holding back sharing the news of a college acceptance or job offer until the ‘deal is sealed’. These too are secrets that are weighty but instead lift the weight. In a perfect world, we’d all have more of the positive kind and less of the negative. But one thing is for sure, we’ve all got them.

Secrets. Big, small, kid-size and adult-size. Yours, mine, our parents’ and our children’s. We’re all holding on to them. Try as we might to be open, honest and transparent – we’ve all got something we’re holding. Everyone we interact with is also holding a secret, for good or bad, but probably both.

I think it’s just human nature to hold secrets and to ask others to hold them for you. They are essential to relationships and can provide a true litmus test between two people. Recently, I’ve discovered as my children have gotten older, when they ask me to not to reveal something they’ve told me in confidence, they really mean it. Gone are the days when, ‘don’t tell Dad’ was a cute thing to say to me to keep them from getting in trouble. (I assume there were many ‘don’t tell Mom’ instances as well) Now they confide and expect the level of secrecy once only reserved for the adults in my life. Previously I shared just about everything they did – good, bad, naughty, and especially funny. Now I hold back and hold in. Just another life transition I’m learning the hard way. Secrets are secrets, even when I don’t agree they need to be secret.

So where am I going with all these thoughts on secrets? Do I have a good one to spill or a bad one to confess? Stick with me for another week of observations - and don’t keep it a secret.

Monday, March 25, 2019

The Secret Posts - Part One

“Don’t tell anyone, but…”

I am currently the keeper of roughly one dozen different versions of the end of the above sentence.
Maybe I have one of those trusting faces. Or possibly I put people at ease and make them feel comfortable spilling their secrets to me. I’d like to think it’s because I am known as trustworthy person and loyal friend deserving of the privilege of secret keeper.

Some of the secrets have been and are currently minor, personal confidences while there are always a few major life-altering whoppers. Both types give me anxiety, but I take the secret-keeping very serious.

There was a time last year I held so many secrets from different people I thought I would burst. I began to imagine a spreadsheet in my head and even contemplated writing them all down to keep them straight. Don’t worry, I didn’t. The urge to write is tough for me, but I know better than that in this situation and resorted to simply keeping my mouth shut. Also tough. Secret keeper is not a position I enjoy, yet can’t seem to shake.

The relief I felt when hearing the secrets were finally ‘out’ or public knowledge was physical for me. I could feel my teeth unclench at every mention of the information I held inside. You’d think I’d learn not to accept any more confidentialities, but just two days ago I heard those words again from another friend, “Can I tell you something?” I almost said no, but of course I put my hand on her arm and said, “Sure, anything. You can trust me.” And I meant it, but as soon as she spilled her confession, I immediately regretted allowing her to confide in me. I don’t like knowing this particular secret. Thankfully, this one has an expiration date and soon it will be public knowledge. Until then, well I’ll be avoiding a certain group and suddenly too busy for coffee on Thursday mornings through the end of April.

As with this big secret, most expire on their own. Thankfully the information becomes public or moot. But now it’s got me wondering – as a writer- what’s the shelf life of a secret? At what point is it acceptable to assimilate into a story? Obviously – “All names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to acutal events, local, or persons living or dead, is entirely coincidental.”

Maybe my friends should think twice before prefacing me with, “Don’t tell anyone, but…”

You’ve been warned.

Monday, September 3, 2018

The First Fifty

I began drafting this blog on July 1st in hopes of posting right after the July 4th vacation week. My plan was to have finished half of my Goodreads Reading Challenge for 2018 of 100 books and list them along with the reason I chose to read them. Not reviews, or even if I liked them, just the circumstances that led be to pick it up, download, borrow, buy or listen to a particular book.
Now, it’s Labor Day and I finally finished the 50th book. (According to Goodreads, I’m 17 books behind in my Reading Challenge, so I’ll try to keep this short and get back to reading).
Without further ado and/or Columbus Day, the following is the first half of my 2018 Goodreads Reading Challenge:

Title -  Author  - Why I Chose

Little Fires Everywhere- Celeste Ng  - Peer pressure, I saw ‘everyone’ reading it

How to Find Love in a Bookshop -  Veronica Henry - It sounded cozy. About books & writing

Sisters First - Jenna Bush Hager - Needed an audiobook for cleaning house

Tell Me More - Kelly Corrigan - By Glitter & Glue author, I’d been anticipating 

The Hideaway-  Laura K. Denton - My book club’s January pick.

Graduates in Wonderland -Jessica Pan - Downloaded from library late-night 

So Far Away-  Meg Mitchell Moore - Waiting for new & realized I missed this one

Icing on the Cake - Ann Marie Roache - New release from a friend

The Dry - Jane Harper - My book club’s February pick

I’ve Still Got It… - Jenna McCarthy - Wanted something funny after The Dry

Party of One…  - Dave Holmes - Was in mood for a funny audio memoir 

The Captain’s Daughter - Meg Mitchell Moore - New release I was waiting for

The Truth According to Us - Annie Barrows - I can’t remember why I picked this

Digging In - Loretta Nyhan - New release from a friend

An American Marriage - Tayari Jones - Christmas gift. Oprah’s pick

Alternate Side - Anna Quindlen - I never miss her new releases

Educated: A Memoir - Tara Westover -  Read great reviews and saved for vacation

Every Note Played - Lisa Genova  - Recommended by a friend

Frat Girl - Kiley Roache - Daughter of friend’s first book

Townie - Andre Dubus III - Wanted a memoir audio book for plane ride

Welcome to Night Vale -  Joseph Fink - Recommended by my daughter

Hot Mess - Emily Belden - My book club’s April pick

Boys in the Trees - Carly Simon -  Wanted another memoir for audio

My Dear Hamilton - Stephanie Dray - Bought the day of release, loved previous book

Force of Nature - Jane Harper - Liked first book, decided to try second

Less - Andrew Sean Greer - Gave in to Amazon & Goodreads rec’s

Etched in Sand - Regina Calcaterra - My book club’s May pick

The Address - Fiona Davis - Recommended by a friend

Girl Unbroken - Regina Calcaterra - Sister’s version of Etched in Sand, HAD to read

Lawn Boy - Jonathan Evison - Lucky Day shelf at library. Like the cover

All the Little Lights - Jamie McGuire - Follow the author, new release

As Bright at Heaven - Susan Meissner - Recommendation from book club friend

The Woman in the Window - AJ Finn - My book club’s June pick

Beartown - Fredrick Backman - It was finally available at library! 

Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng - Heard it’s better than Little Fires (true) 

I Have Lost My Way - Gayle Foreman - My daughter wanted me to preview

Truly Devious - Maureen Johnson - I follow her on Twitter and was intrigued

The Divorce Papers - Susan Reiger - I thought I had to read before Heirs (false)

The Heirs - Susan Reiger - Recommened thru Goodreads

Designing Your Life - Bill Burnett and Dave Evans - My daughter’s college’s reccomendation

White Houses - Amy Bloom - My book club’s July pick

Now That You Mention It - Kristan Higgins - I follow her on Twitter, sounded good

I am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter - Erika L Sanchez -  Recommended by book club friend

Lilac Girls - Martha Hall Kelly - My book club’s August pick

The Perfect Couple - Elin Hilderbrand - Eagerly awaited to read on vacation

The Summer Wives - Beatirz Williams - Sounded good for vacation 

Crazy Rich Asians - Kevin Kwan -Movie looked great and I  Always try to read book first

Clock Dance - Anne Tyler - New one from her, chose audio

Good Luck with That -  Kristan Higgins - New release by author I read recently 

Next Year in Havana - Chanel Cleaton - Recommended by a friend (not Reese)

That’s 50! For a sneak peek at the next 50, I am currently reading China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan because it's the second in the trilogy and super fun. I am also listening to Curtis Sittenfeld’s newest release: You Think It I’ll Say It because I love her style and quirky storytelling.

I try to review everything I read on Goodreads so catch me there and send me some recommendations. I hope to update this before NYE!


Monday, February 19, 2018

Easter Eggs on President's Day

It’s President’s Day and I’m thinking about Easter Eggs.

Isn’t it a little early? I don’t mean the kind we hard boil and dip dye for the big bunny to hide, I’ll get to those next month. I’m referring to another type – literary Easter Eggs.

Yes, literary Easter Eggs. If you’re a writer, do you use them? Apparently, I do. I’ve been weaving subtle ‘gifts’ for my friends and family in my writing since I began. However, it wasn’t until years into my venture I learned this practice is an intentional method.

Much like the physical Easter Eggs, they can be decorated and hidden in many ways. Without knowing the term, I was leaving them for my friends and family via personal references. Naming characters after friends and family members seemed too obvious (and cause for possible contention), but I wanted to include shout-outs to my people who I hoped would be reading a someday-published novel after hearing me complain about it for months and years. I began to sporadically drop Easter Eggs and it made me smile to imagine my friend or cousin coming across their name as the title of a business or street or their childhood house phone numbers (‘disguised’ of course with the universal 555 pre-fix). I’ve used birthdays, addresses, pets’ names and most recently a combination of names to form a fictional law firm.

Why? Who doesn’t like seeing their name in print? Or better yet, a personal inside joke hidden in dialog? It’s fun. After my most recent novel released, I received a middle-of-the-night text from my cousin when she discovered her egg and another call from an old friends’ mother to say how tickled she was to see I used her last name as a neighbor in the story. I haven’t seen her in years, but it came right to me and I knew she’d appreciate it.

While I’ve never been able to use trademarked song titles in my writing (something to aspire to) I dance around the issue by referencing lyrics that I know will evoke a certain emotion or define a timeframe. But, secretly I think about that friend or ex (okay, definitely the ex) who might wonder if I was thinking of them. Devious? Hey, writing can be frustrating and lonely. If motivation arrives dressed as devious, I let her in.

Another way to use Easter Eggs is to hide them amongst your various stories. This is easily achieved by having a past character pop up in a new work, or better yet an obscure, minor character appear in the background. Inanimate objects work well too. That necklace a character wanted in book one, might show up on someone else’s neck in book three. Movies are notorious for using this kind of egg dropping.  My current work-in-progress is set in the 1990s, and some of my friends may recognize their before-becoming-a-mom cool cars.

A hook for friends, family and loyal readers? Sure. Fun for the writer and reader? Definitely.

Who doesn’t like an Easter Egg hunt?

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

2-Nite: A Companion story to Secret Admirer


            Yes, I was disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, the bracelet and purse are gorgeous and I’m grateful to have a boyfriend with such great taste. Still, when you’re expecting the ring for Christmas, how can anything else measure up?
            We’d been talking about getting engaged for almost a year and Alec led me to believe he was ready to propose last summer with little teasers and hints of our future. I kept a standing appointment at Super Nails every Thursday after work so I’d be prepared to show off the emerald cut, platinum set diamond I’d pointed out to him in the window of Hartford Jewelers.
            Summer came and went. My nails looked great, but my left ring finger remained empty. Everything was wonderful between us though and Alec and I began the habit of staying at each other’s apartments on weekends. We usually went out as a group with friends on Friday nights and saved Saturdays for date night. On Sundays we either went out for brunch or stayed in to cook our own version. Weekends were bliss. Weekdays were hard. We spoke on the phone every day but rarely saw each other. He worked late most nights as a young lawyer must and I kept a routine of yoga and pilates to fill my time. My job as junior accountant at Pearse and Associates was fulfilling, but not so demanding that it followed me home. I liked it that way and knew if I ever wanted to take it to the next level I could, but I was content. Except for that damn elusive ring!
            New Year’s was fun. We started off with a romantic dinner at an upscale restaurant so of course I got my hopes up. Nervous all through dinner, I tried to eat neat bites of my sea bass so he couldn’t catch me with a mouthful.  We discussed his cases, our plans for our upcoming ski trip, but nothing that spoke of nuptials. After dessert, Alec announced we were meeting up with our friends at a bar and I knew the chance of a proposal were over. At least, I hoped it was. I wanted it to be romantic, memorable, not a spectacle at a bar. I didn’t have to worry though as Alec is not a showy kind of guy and wasn’t likely to propose in public. Once at the bar, I was able to let go and have fun. I reminded myself I was lucky to have Alec to kiss at midnight. I felt bad for Clare, whose so-called boyfriend never showed up.  Abbie kissed some random guy. Maggie and Ethan had each other of course, they’ve been engaged for over a year. Poor Josh waited all night for Sam, who later made some lame excuse about being stuck at another party.
            Basically, it’s been hard to complain, but challenging not to. Our friends were getting sick of me talking about it, but it’s all I could think about. So when I heard a new girl was starting at our office after the New Year, yes I was excited. I was eager to make a new friend.

            Bob Fitzgerald sent a memo on Friday via email with the announcement: Andressa (call her Andi, please) Maroun will step in as the new Special Accounts Manager beginning Monday. She’s been with Pearse and Associates for three years in the Providence office. I hope you will all welcome her here to Hartford.
            I took it upon myself to greet Andi and was instantly glad I did. She seemed to be around my age and had a stylish, if a bit hipster, look.  At lunch her first day I learned a little about her and decided she was normal, so I included her in the plans to get together with the gang on Friday.
            My hope was to have a fun, stress-free weekend in Hartford because the following would be another proposal opportunity when Alec and I took a skiing trip.  I had Monday off for MLK, but Alec took a vacation day which was rare for him, so I was taking it as a good sign that it would be the big weekend.
            I did have fun at the bar that night and I think Andi did too. It was too bad Garrett couldn’t make it. He was our only single, straight friend at the moment. It was okay though because she had her eye on a guy she saw at the coffee shop each morning. Once I knew all this I was relieved and figured it would be okay to talk to her about the Alec/ring situation with her. I waited until Monday to get her up to speed on the current state of proposal-gate.


            The next Friday I was even more hopeful when Alec called at five-fifty in the morning to suggest we both call in sick. He told me to look out the window.
            I pulled back the curtain to take in the beautiful scene that was fresh January snow.
            “We can head right to the slopes and check into the Inn after a day on the mountain.”
            It didn’t take any arm twisting on my part. I texted Clare and Andi so they’d could support my fib by not slipping up at the office. I raced through my morning prep routine and threw a few more things in my already overstuffed designer duffle and waited by the door for my prince charming to arrive.
            Not only was I in full ski gear when Alex’s luxury 4x4 pulled up to my condo, but in full make up too. No doubt I would be snapping selfies as soon as he popped the question.
            Maybe on the chairlift
            On the top of the mountain, or halfway down a trail?
            By the fire at apre-ski?
            After a romantic dinner at the Inn?
            I let my mind wander as we made our way onto the highway, I must have been unconsciously smiling.
            “Wow, you’re perky for it still being dark outside.”
            “I’m just excited to get our weekend started early.”
            “Well, hang tight, it looks like traffic might be bad with the storm just ending.”
            And it was. At noon we found the furthest parking spot available at the mountain and had to wait another thirty minutes for a shuttle to arrive to take us to the lodge as they were running on off-peak times. By the time we purchased half day tickets, strapped, zipped, and clipped everything on, it was one in the afternoon. I was still holding my smile though and was determined not to let anything ruin the day.
            At the top of the mountain, just before setting off on our first run, Alec turned to me with a sad puppy dog look on his face and my heart skipped a beat.
            “I know this isn’t great timing, but I’m starving. Are you?”
            Of course I was, I only had a granola bar in the car because I didn’t anticipate the delay. I thought we would’ve made six runs my now and be heading back out for more after a monster lunch. My heart sank with his disappointing question, but my stomach growled.
            “Let’s stop at the mini-lodge halfway down,” I conceded.
            Lunch was great, the snow was great and dinner later was wonderful – just uneventful. Not that our night time activities were normally boring, but I made sure to kick things up a notch that night and Alec seemed to notice. I figured it couldn’t hurt my chances at that point.
            Saturday started off looking promising.  After giant waffles we hit the slopes on the now well-groomed snow and had a fun and flirty day. We dared each other on hard trails, raced and tackled the moguls. I was certain it would be that night.
            “Someday we’ll be peeking in on the kids at ski-school,” Alec said casually as we took off our skis to head into the lodge for lunch.
            “I love to hear you talk like that,” I admitted.
            Alec, now free of his skis, hobbled over to me in his unbuckled boots and pulled me in close, “I love you, Bree,” and kissed me in front of everyone stowing their gear outside.
            “I love you too.” I took his hand in mine and we walked, or rather stomped, into the crowded cafeteria-style restaurant at the base lodge.
            We made an amazing eight more runs before calling it quits and deciding on a drink by the fire in the lively lodge before going back to the quaint Inn.
            “Just one,” I assured him. I didn’t want to be rushed getting ready for our dinner that night and hopefully the proposal.
            “I promise, just one.”
            Famous last words.
            Halfway through his dark beer and my Moscow-Mule we heard a familiar, blast from the past voice.
            “Alec! Bree!”
            A massive figure appeared from behind us and before I knew it I was locked with Alec in a double bear hug by one of his roommates from college.
            “How the hell have you been?
            “Great, Greg. What’s new?”
            Greg was a big guy, but in a baby Huey kind of way. He blushed deeply as he answered our question. “Well, let me introduce you to my fiancĂ©, Courtney.” He pulled a skinny blond to his side and she held up her hand, ring side out.
            “A Christmas surprise. Thanks, Santa.” She kissed his cheek quickly and shook our hands and sweetly told us it was nice to meet us.
            I was instantly jealous, though I knew it was petty, and was prepared to not like this girl. We stood by the fire for a bit and asked all the usual questions: where and how long they were staying, if they skied that day and where they live now. After fifteen minutes I nudged Alec, hoping he would get the hint to announce we had to leave to make our dinner reservation. I still had to shower and get ready back at the Inn. Instead, he and Greg ordered another round of drinks and swooped in on four seats as two couples left.
            I made the best of it by asking Courtney all about the proposal and her plans. Without even knowing, I drank two more mules and at eight when they announced Karaoke would be starting soon, well, I was a goner. Alec must have called the restaurant and cancelled our reservation as soon as the microphone was in my hands. I remember singing a solo of Dancing Queen, a group version of Sweet Caroline and I think possibly a duet with Courtney that might have been Islands in the Stream.
            Needless to say I woke up sans ring and in no shape to ski. Sunday wasn’t originally planned as a for sure ski day anyway so I didn’t feel like I blew our plans. I slept in, Alec did work and we met Greg and Courtney for dinner. It was nice, period.
            Monday’s drive home was quiet. I blamed it on exhaustion from all the fun, but I felt like he knew. Frankly, I wanted him to know and hoped my silence spoke volumes.


            Andi was very understanding whenever I spoke about Alec, so I felt like I could confide in her that Tuesday back at the office.  She was supportive all week as I dealt with the disappointment.
            Knowing that I was dumping on her, I tried to help her in her own guy situation. The week before, she learned Cute Coffee Shop Guy’s name was Conner and I dared her to ask him to Alec’s upcoming Superbowl party. I thought about setting her up with our friend, Garrett, but she seemed smitten with Connor so I just tried to be as supportive as she had been to me. It was too bad actually; Garrett was pretty cute and really nice and intelligent, too. At least he could be back up if things didn’t work out with Connor.
            When Friday arrived, I went straight to Alec’s after work to prepare for Sunday’s party.  We ordered dinner in and created our shopping list for the next day.  Everyone said they were coming, but then I got a crazy text on Saturday from Garrett. Apparently it was his thirtieth birthday and his college buddies talked him into going to New Orleans for the actual game. I was kind of disappointed, I like a full house at our parties, but I guess we’d blown his birthday and had no grounds for grumbling.
            I made a seven layer dip and my famous killer brownies for the party. Everyone usually brought something, either an appetizer or drinks and we always ended up with a ton of great stuff. Everyone arrived around four in a fun mood. I got almost all to participate in my betting pool. I created a poster board chart and Josh taught us a new drinking game to play during the commercials. It sounded pretty easy and a sure way to get everyone drunk.
            “The guys will be animals,” Josh started to explain.
            “Obviously,” Maggie interrupted.
            “Right. And the girls will be babies. Each time a baby appears, you ladies drink. Whenever there’s an animal, it’s the guys’ turn.”
            Josh was in advertising and knew animals and babies were a sure thing in Superbowl ads. As expected, we were loud and feeling no pain by halftime.
            The party was a success. Everyone had fun, even Andi, even though she seemed a little disappointed at the beginning. I think she was hoping to have made more progress with Connor by that point and comfortable with inviting him to join us. Or maybe it was just nerves. She wasn’t used to all of us yet, but she relaxed and seemed to lighten up eventually.
            When everyone left and Alec and I were cleaning up, there was a moment.
            “Babe, can you grab that box over there for me?”
            A box, possibly the box? A box with a blue velvet cushion cradling a two carat stone?
            “Sure,” I skipped over to the counter where he had pointed and searched for a little box, which I didn’t see. “What does it look like?”
            “Oh, never mind. I left it in the bedroom.”
            He disappeared. My blood pressure soared. He returned holding a flat, rectangle box.
            “What do you think of this tie? Too loud?”
            My face fell. Something wasn’t loud enough for him I thought to myself.

            I knew I was overreacting, I really did, but couldn’t seem help it. Clearly I wasn’t good at hiding my feelings in front of my friends.
            “You’re sucking all the fun out of it. Don’t you want to be surprised?”
            “I don’t know, Abbie. Maybe I don’t. I just want it to happen, now.”
            “That’s obvious. I think you need to just let it happen though.”
            I shut up after that, for a little while at least. I could tell my friends were getting annoyed with me. How could they not be? I was getting annoyed with me.
            Still, Valentine’s Day was coming and a girl could hope. Couldn’t she?  The holiday became my new focus.
            Andi and Clare told me in no uncertain terms not to get my hopes up for a Valentine’s Day proposal. I thought they were just being sour grapes and basically told them to stick it and make their own plans.
            Then a strange thing happened. They listened to me. They both made their own plans for the Friday night holiday. After some soul searching, I got an idea to follow suit.
            Why did it have to Alec who had to do the proposing? It’s not like I’d be pulling a fast one on him if I were to do it. If I asked him, then I’d seal the deal and get to pick out my own ring. I was a genius. I just had to make my plan.
            That weekend while we sat on his comfy sectional, Alec reading through documents for work, me flipping the pages of a fashion magazine -I would’ve opted for a Bridal one but didn’t want to be too obvious – I set my plan in motion. At least I tried to.
            I tried to sound and look casual as I asked, “Honey, want me to make reservations for dinner on Valentine’s Day?”
            “Already taken care of,” Alec answered, surprising me.
            “Great, where?”
            “Not telling,” he smirked without looking up from his stack of papers on his lap.
            This wouldn’t work with my plan, I had to know the place.
            “Oh come on, I hate surprises.”
            He chuckled, “I know.”
            “Well, how fancy? What do I wear? You have to give me something to go on.”
            He looked up finally, “Um, I don’t know. Not jeans but not a formal gown. Does that help?”
            “Hardly. Is it quiet, loud, private or bar style?”
            “Enough questions. The witness may step down now.”
            Friday arrived with all the usual fanfare. There was excitement all day in the office to further fuel my anxiety. Flowers, balloons and tacky teddy bears were delivered throughout the day and chocolate kisses seemed to be everywhere. I wasn’t sad Alec had not sent anything to the office, I felt like we were beyond this point and on to bigger and better – or rather, smaller and shinier.
            I indulged in a few chocolates and skipped going out for lunch, opting for a yogurt at my desk so I could leave early. Andi, as a Director, didn’t have this leave-early option and was out to lunch when I stopped by her office to ask about her date that night with Connor.  Though I was disappointed she wasn’t there to chat with, I was glad she wasn’t there to witness my candy heart thievery.  She was always offering them, so I assumed it would be okay to take a few from the large bag on her desk. The first was a pink Cutie Pie, the next an orange Miss You and the rest I brought back to my cubicle. Once at my desk I discovered a green Purr-fect, a purple Hey Baby and finally the one I wouldn’t melt on my tongue but save in my blazer pocket – a blue 2-nite. It was exactly what I needed.
            That’s where the productivity for a Valentine’s Day Friday ended at the office. I had a lot more work to do at home to get everything Purr-fect for 2-nite.
            Even though I couldn’t picture the restaurant, and believe me I tried desperately to find out the name, I still knew how I was going to propose.  I was all ready to go except for the finishing touches on my hair and make-up when Andi called, freaking out.
            She was rethinking her date and I couldn’t let her do that or cause me to have any doubt at that point either. I tried to remain calm myself as I told her to do the same. I told her she could text me to rescue her if she really needed me, then prayed she wouldn’t need me as I undid my hot rollers.
            The restaurant was perfect, Alec did good. Trendy, but not tacky. Dark, but not depressing, and just loud enough.
            A bottle of Champagne was already cooling in a table-side stand when we were shown to our table. A waiter magically appeared, but Alec asked if he could do the honors. Suddenly I was nervous, and warm, wishing I hadn’t worn the burgundy velvet dress I had been saving for a special occasion.
            Alec handed me a glass of the cool bubbly and clinked his glass to mine across the table.
            “To our future,” He said with a little crack in his voice.
            “Forever,” I added.
            We both drained our glasses at once and said, “I have something to ask you,” at the same time. We laughed and Alec said, “Ladies, first.”
            “No, you go.”
            A smile spread across his face. “Same time?”  That’s when it hit me we were about to ask the same question.
            “On three,” I said and began the countdown.
            “One, two, three – will you marry me?” We burst out laughing, sprang from our chairs and hugged and kissed while clapping from the diners around us filled the air. We pulled apart and thanked those congratulating us and sat back down.
            The waiter appeared again and held the napkin wrapped champagne bottle at the ready to refill our glasses asking, “Well, did you both say yes?”
            “I forgot!”
            “So did I!”
            The waiter nodded at the affirmation and filled our glasses to the top and disappeared again.
            “I thought you wouldn’t expect it today, too clichĂ©,” Alec explained.
            “And I thought you’d never expect me to ask you.”
            “You got me there.”
            “You got me too,” I said.

            Alec reached into his suit coat pocket and pulled out a box. A little box this time, not tie-sized. “I also got you this.”  He opened it to present me the perfect ring. It was perfect not because it was a princess cut set in platinum, but because the timing was right, for both of us.